Evathang wuz quiet ('cause ole man Rampey done shut down th' still).

 

Them yunguns wuz wallerin' all theys beds

While snowballs an' funnel cakes danced in theys heads.

 

Me an' my ole lady wuz feelin' pertty dandy,

Cause we'e just polished off a quart o' peach brandy.

 

When all of a sudden I herd such a fuss

I ran out on th'e porch an' yelled "Ya'll dawgs gotta hush!!"

 

Then ober yonder, what did I see,

A biiiiggg Chevy 4X4 comin' at me!

 

It swerved an' it slid, almost hit my ole junker car,

An' I sez to myself, that dude's drunk, he's been hittin' his own mason jar!

 

He slammed on the brakes, barely missed one o' my hawgs

Then I realized, "That truck's bein' pulled by eight coon dawgs!!!!"

 

They bayed an' howled, an' scratched at they fleas,

They sounded like they had a big-un run up in th' trees

 

I looked at the driver, an' couldn't believe my eyes!

He looked like Dale Earnhardt in a Santy disguise!

 

Dat big ole 4X4 was black with huuugge flames,

An' as he got closer, I heard him call them dawgs' names:

 

On Wilbur, on Cleatus, on Bubba an' Norma Jean,

On Bobby Ray, on Rufus, HEY Tiny, don't hump on Darlene

 

He hopped outta dat truck an grabbed his big sack

So I turned round' quick an runned in my shack

 

Under da' tree he put all our stuff

And I knowed right away we'd been good sho nuff!

 

New teeth for Grandmaw, and for Grandpaw a bunch of blue pills,

He left my ole' lady some new spandex and sexy high heels

 

My yunguns got all the WWF super stars,

An' I got Dale Jr.'s new collegtible tin car.

 

He dranked that Bud and ate his Slim Jim

All that free beer, man I wished I wuz him!

 

He grabbed up his sack, and went for th' door

Then opened the fridge an' dranked one more

 

As that big ol' truck roared outta sight

He said with a laugh, "Hope that viagara works an' you get some tonight!!!!"